How a coach talks to his or her team can have a huge impact on how that team develops. How a coach treats their team can have a long range affect on the team's performance.
I recently heard of a coach who told their team after a frustrating loss that the coach was confused. That there were times when they (the coach) didn't want to be there (coaching the team) anymore. Now having heard this second hand, if I were a parent of a player on that team I would first want to ask the coach exactly what they said. With that being said, if the coach did make that statement I would suggest that the coach needs a lesson in psychology, motivation, or just plain Coaching 101. It seems absurd to me that a coach would make such a declaration.
Having spent many years coaching I don't recall ever telling my team that I wasn't sure I wanted to be there coaching them. Imagine the President of the United States saying "I don't know if I want to be President anymore." Or can you imagine a parent telling their son or daughter that they didn't want to be their Mom or Dad anymore? Perhaps you think that may be a stretch, but trust me, it's not as far of a stretch as might first be imagined. Coaches have a powerful impact on the young people in their charge. Sometimes the coach is the most influential adult in a young person's life.
Nobody likes losing. But some losses are obviously more frustrating than others. Every team needs a "scolding" from time to time, just like correcting a child. Every coach has their unique way of getting a message across to the team. Sometimes we can go too far. Once in a while you may be forgiven. Doing so on a regular basis may make it difficult to field a team.
For example, I have occasionally substituted for a player in the middle of an inning. I don't like to do this but it seems like about once per season there comes a situation where a player makes such a huge mental error that I feel I have to do "something." A friend and colleague of mine, who has a very successful travel team once told me that he never replaces or disciplines a player in the middle of an inning. He waits until the inning is over, then he talks to the player and at that time may or may not make a substitution. He said that his players are willing "to run through walls" for him and he wants to treat them with the utmost respect.
Contrast that to another very well known coach who I once saw replace a batter in the middle of her at bat because she fouled off a bunt attempt, and this was at the state championship tournament. "Give me another batter he said; Is there anyone on this bench that can get a bunt down?" Now which coach's players do you think are more motivated to perform for their coach?
Since we are all human, and therefore prone to making a mistake now and then, I thought I might put together a few guidelines for addressing your team in a negative situation.
1. Never cuss at, belittle, or insult your players. While this might seem quite obvious, there are some coaches that cannot seem to control their anger, or they think that such verbal abuse will suddenly make the players improve. And while there are some players that do respond to "fear" coaching, most will not.
2. Don't single out players for their mistakes. Your players know when they've made mistakes. Some may still be kicking themselves for letting down the team. They don't need you to kick them again. If you must mention the errors, do so as a learning situation. Try not to personalize the error but describe the situation and then offer a solution or the correct action to avoid the error the next time.
3. There is a difference between errors and mental mistakes. Even the best players make errors. If a player makes mental mistakes or has a derogatory attitude, then take that player aside privately, not in front of the team, to discuss the situation. Nobody likes to be embarrassed in front of their peers. Young players tend to be even more sensitive in this area.
4. The coach is a part of the team. This means that you also need to take responsibility when the team loses. Often a team's poor play might mean that there is more coaching to be done. Perhaps you need to hit more grounders. Maybe you are not positioning players correctly in the field. Don't be afraid to admit when you made a mistake. Your team is more likely to back you up when they know you are treating them fairly. Remember, they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
5. One game is just one game. Lastly, remind your players if they played a rare terrible game that it was that, one game. It doesn't make them the worse team on earth. It doesn't mean an end to their careers. Help your team get rid of the negativity of the loss and focus on improving for the next game.
There are many situations that occur in sports. These guidelines are just that, a guide to help you have better chemistry on your team. Each situation requires that you be the best coach you can be. Teach first, win later.
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