Happy Anniversary Kidz n Sports!
This week marks the second anniversary of Kidz n Sports on Adrenaline Radio. April 24th, 2006 was the beginning of a new adventure in my life. I had never been on radio before and I had no idea how well my idea of discussing youth sports would be received.
Now I know.
With an average of almost 10,000 listeners on the internet, and more on 1680 AM and on their cell phones, and another 700 or more who download the podcast I would say we've done ok.
Now it is time to practice another sports axiom - Keep on keepin' on.
I love youth sports. With my daughter graduating from high school this year I am already sowing the seeds to return to coaching next year. Even though I have helped out with my daughter's travel team, I still miss being on the field regularly, planning the schedule, setting lineups, etc. But the thing I miss most is seeing a player succeed at reaching their own personal goals. And it is even more joyful when you know you had at least a small part in helping that player in their quest.
This is what youth sports is all about. Helping our young people learn life's lessons through sports. Helping the kids develop their skills and teaching them how to be good losers and gracious winners. The lessons they learn are not taught by yelling louder, calling names, or quitting. You don't grow as a person by blaming someone else when you come up short. The road to success is paved with potholes, wrecked bodies, and steep climbs. The only way to reach the end is to maneuver around the obstacles, work harder up the steep grades, until you finally can coast down the other side to the finish line. This is youth sports.
I like to refer to a quote I found when coaching the Newport Harbor "Sailors."
"A calm sea never a skillful sailor made."
Life is not easy. When we were little it was easy. It was t-ball. We got to experience life anew. People doted over how cute we were and our special quirks in the way we did things. Then we reached 8 and under through 12 and under and life gradually got tougher. Now the parent who thought we were so cute in t-ball is yelling at us about hitting the ball or at the coach because we're on the bench. Did I do something wrong? Now I got through that and into high school. Slowly but surely my skills have developed and I have a role on the team. Why didn't someone teach me that before? Now I'm starting to learn what this is about; sports and life. Now people are asking me what I want to do with my life. Some are still telling me. Some are suggesting ideas. But some are listening to my ideas, and some are actually hearing my questions. What do I want to do in college? Do I want to go to college? Why do I want college? Do I want to play sports in college? Life is going faster and faster. I have suddenly realized I have three choices: I can try to stop the roller coaster from going so fast; I can get in the way and get run over by the roller coaster; or I can get on and enjoy the ride. But this roller coaster is really neat. Every so often it comes by the beginning, and the man at the controls asks me if I want to stay on the same course, or change courses. I can switch to the blue roller coaster or stay on the red one. And he'll even give me some ideas as to which one is better.
Life is a roller coaster. Kidz n Sports is here to help the kids enjoy their roller coaster ride. Thank you all for helping the coach always be right.......and for still supporting them when they might be wrong. Teach first, win later.
It's all about the kids.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
The Power of Words
How a coach talks to his or her team can have a huge impact on how that team develops. How a coach treats their team can have a long range affect on the team's performance.
I recently heard of a coach who told their team after a frustrating loss that the coach was confused. That there were times when they (the coach) didn't want to be there (coaching the team) anymore. Now having heard this second hand, if I were a parent of a player on that team I would first want to ask the coach exactly what they said. With that being said, if the coach did make that statement I would suggest that the coach needs a lesson in psychology, motivation, or just plain Coaching 101. It seems absurd to me that a coach would make such a declaration.
Having spent many years coaching I don't recall ever telling my team that I wasn't sure I wanted to be there coaching them. Imagine the President of the United States saying "I don't know if I want to be President anymore." Or can you imagine a parent telling their son or daughter that they didn't want to be their Mom or Dad anymore? Perhaps you think that may be a stretch, but trust me, it's not as far of a stretch as might first be imagined. Coaches have a powerful impact on the young people in their charge. Sometimes the coach is the most influential adult in a young person's life.
Nobody likes losing. But some losses are obviously more frustrating than others. Every team needs a "scolding" from time to time, just like correcting a child. Every coach has their unique way of getting a message across to the team. Sometimes we can go too far. Once in a while you may be forgiven. Doing so on a regular basis may make it difficult to field a team.
For example, I have occasionally substituted for a player in the middle of an inning. I don't like to do this but it seems like about once per season there comes a situation where a player makes such a huge mental error that I feel I have to do "something." A friend and colleague of mine, who has a very successful travel team once told me that he never replaces or disciplines a player in the middle of an inning. He waits until the inning is over, then he talks to the player and at that time may or may not make a substitution. He said that his players are willing "to run through walls" for him and he wants to treat them with the utmost respect.
Contrast that to another very well known coach who I once saw replace a batter in the middle of her at bat because she fouled off a bunt attempt, and this was at the state championship tournament. "Give me another batter he said; Is there anyone on this bench that can get a bunt down?" Now which coach's players do you think are more motivated to perform for their coach?
Since we are all human, and therefore prone to making a mistake now and then, I thought I might put together a few guidelines for addressing your team in a negative situation.
1. Never cuss at, belittle, or insult your players. While this might seem quite obvious, there are some coaches that cannot seem to control their anger, or they think that such verbal abuse will suddenly make the players improve. And while there are some players that do respond to "fear" coaching, most will not.
2. Don't single out players for their mistakes. Your players know when they've made mistakes. Some may still be kicking themselves for letting down the team. They don't need you to kick them again. If you must mention the errors, do so as a learning situation. Try not to personalize the error but describe the situation and then offer a solution or the correct action to avoid the error the next time.
3. There is a difference between errors and mental mistakes. Even the best players make errors. If a player makes mental mistakes or has a derogatory attitude, then take that player aside privately, not in front of the team, to discuss the situation. Nobody likes to be embarrassed in front of their peers. Young players tend to be even more sensitive in this area.
4. The coach is a part of the team. This means that you also need to take responsibility when the team loses. Often a team's poor play might mean that there is more coaching to be done. Perhaps you need to hit more grounders. Maybe you are not positioning players correctly in the field. Don't be afraid to admit when you made a mistake. Your team is more likely to back you up when they know you are treating them fairly. Remember, they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
5. One game is just one game. Lastly, remind your players if they played a rare terrible game that it was that, one game. It doesn't make them the worse team on earth. It doesn't mean an end to their careers. Help your team get rid of the negativity of the loss and focus on improving for the next game.
There are many situations that occur in sports. These guidelines are just that, a guide to help you have better chemistry on your team. Each situation requires that you be the best coach you can be. Teach first, win later.
I recently heard of a coach who told their team after a frustrating loss that the coach was confused. That there were times when they (the coach) didn't want to be there (coaching the team) anymore. Now having heard this second hand, if I were a parent of a player on that team I would first want to ask the coach exactly what they said. With that being said, if the coach did make that statement I would suggest that the coach needs a lesson in psychology, motivation, or just plain Coaching 101. It seems absurd to me that a coach would make such a declaration.
Having spent many years coaching I don't recall ever telling my team that I wasn't sure I wanted to be there coaching them. Imagine the President of the United States saying "I don't know if I want to be President anymore." Or can you imagine a parent telling their son or daughter that they didn't want to be their Mom or Dad anymore? Perhaps you think that may be a stretch, but trust me, it's not as far of a stretch as might first be imagined. Coaches have a powerful impact on the young people in their charge. Sometimes the coach is the most influential adult in a young person's life.
Nobody likes losing. But some losses are obviously more frustrating than others. Every team needs a "scolding" from time to time, just like correcting a child. Every coach has their unique way of getting a message across to the team. Sometimes we can go too far. Once in a while you may be forgiven. Doing so on a regular basis may make it difficult to field a team.
For example, I have occasionally substituted for a player in the middle of an inning. I don't like to do this but it seems like about once per season there comes a situation where a player makes such a huge mental error that I feel I have to do "something." A friend and colleague of mine, who has a very successful travel team once told me that he never replaces or disciplines a player in the middle of an inning. He waits until the inning is over, then he talks to the player and at that time may or may not make a substitution. He said that his players are willing "to run through walls" for him and he wants to treat them with the utmost respect.
Contrast that to another very well known coach who I once saw replace a batter in the middle of her at bat because she fouled off a bunt attempt, and this was at the state championship tournament. "Give me another batter he said; Is there anyone on this bench that can get a bunt down?" Now which coach's players do you think are more motivated to perform for their coach?
Since we are all human, and therefore prone to making a mistake now and then, I thought I might put together a few guidelines for addressing your team in a negative situation.
1. Never cuss at, belittle, or insult your players. While this might seem quite obvious, there are some coaches that cannot seem to control their anger, or they think that such verbal abuse will suddenly make the players improve. And while there are some players that do respond to "fear" coaching, most will not.
2. Don't single out players for their mistakes. Your players know when they've made mistakes. Some may still be kicking themselves for letting down the team. They don't need you to kick them again. If you must mention the errors, do so as a learning situation. Try not to personalize the error but describe the situation and then offer a solution or the correct action to avoid the error the next time.
3. There is a difference between errors and mental mistakes. Even the best players make errors. If a player makes mental mistakes or has a derogatory attitude, then take that player aside privately, not in front of the team, to discuss the situation. Nobody likes to be embarrassed in front of their peers. Young players tend to be even more sensitive in this area.
4. The coach is a part of the team. This means that you also need to take responsibility when the team loses. Often a team's poor play might mean that there is more coaching to be done. Perhaps you need to hit more grounders. Maybe you are not positioning players correctly in the field. Don't be afraid to admit when you made a mistake. Your team is more likely to back you up when they know you are treating them fairly. Remember, they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
5. One game is just one game. Lastly, remind your players if they played a rare terrible game that it was that, one game. It doesn't make them the worse team on earth. It doesn't mean an end to their careers. Help your team get rid of the negativity of the loss and focus on improving for the next game.
There are many situations that occur in sports. These guidelines are just that, a guide to help you have better chemistry on your team. Each situation requires that you be the best coach you can be. Teach first, win later.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
What if the coach is wrong?
At the beginning of each season, I would tell my players that there were two basic rules that governed my program:
1. The Coach is Always Right!
2. If you see that the coach is wrong, go back to rule number 1.
Of course, in reality many coaches may practice such a guideline but usually in a friendlier way as exemplified by the following statement:
There are three ways to do anything around here - the right way, the wrong way, and Coach's way.
So as a player what do you do when you see, er think that the coach is wrong?
First, you must absolutely make sure that you are sure and that everyone else is sure that Coach is wrong. Especially early in the season, or in your career with a certain team, there can be very detrimental effects in butting head with your coach. Consequences that can occur can range anywhere from a laugh, to the bench, to "see ya later."
Second, you must weigh the benefits vs. the potential consequences (see above) of calling out the coach. In most scenarios, the consequences usually FAR outweigh the benefits, if there are any. Most of the time the benefits are limited to a temporary boost in pride or ego. Emphasis on the word "temporary."
All joking aside, reality dictates that Coach may be w....wro.....wwwrrroonn....wrong..once in a while. After all we are human. (yeah, like that excused helped umpires too.) Usually a coach's mistake is something misspoken or calling out the wrong player for something that another player did. Mistakes on the field don't count. Which brings me to the meat of this blog.
In order to prolong your sports career, and to hopefully make it a more enjoyable and successful one, here are a few guidelines you may want to follow. By the way, these may also help you off the field in relationships with others too.
As with most things, we must make a judgment call as to the importance of the transgression. I was recently told of a coach who was released from his job because of the way he treated his team players. Verbal or physical abuse, unfair punishment (think this one out, many people seem to think any punishment is unfair,) money mismanagement, etc. are all important issues that should be brought to someone's attention. Depending upon the player's age, (and usually I would say anyone under 18) should notify a parent of the coach's action(s) before going "public" with accusations or rumors.
If the coach just misspoke, such as mentioning a wrong game date, or giving credit for something to the wrong player, it may be something that you ignore or perhaps mention to the coach PRIVATELY. Don't shout out in front of everyone "Hey Coach, you're wrong man...." or "Gee Coach, you sure screwed that one up."
But when it comes to issues such as playing time, strategy, or any other on-the-field issues, you must remember one very important thing; the Coach is the coach. He or she is in charge of the team. He or she is entitled to run the team in the manner which they see fit. Especially if it is a travel or club team, you really have no recourse other than to leave the team. Whenever possible, even if it is slightly unpleasant or maybe not so much fun, try to complete your commitment to the team. If you leave one team it may not be such a big thing. But if you develop a history of team jumping, moving from one team to another just because you don't agree with the coach's decisions, you may find it harder to get on a team. Sports communities, just like many corporate communities, are like a big family. Word travels fast. And believe me you will get a label.
Lastly, always treat your coach with respect, even if you feel they don't always treat you the same way. In the long run you will be the one who comes out ahead. Whether you believe it or not, most coaches really do want to do what THEY feel is best for their team. They really do recognize the value of the players. I try to follow a guideline I once heard that if the team does well in a game, I give credit to the girls; they won the game. If we did poorly, before I discuss what the team needs to do to improve, I look at myself first. I messed up. But that may translate to "I messed up by not making sure my team was better prepared." There still may be a butt chewing if the coach thinks there was a mental letdown in the game.
If you are a player who thinks you deserve more playing time; if you think the coach unfairly singled you out for something; or if you think there is something bugging you or other teammates, ask the coach if you can speak with him or her in private. Most coaches, especially at the high school ages and above, would rather hear from you than from your parents. You can take some responsibility for your life. Most coaches will respect you for doing so, if you do it with respect.
Just as with most other things in life, even if a coach makes a mistake or acts out of line, they probably do a whole lot more right than they do wrong. Coaches like to be appreciated too. Keep all this in mind and I'm sure you will do well and have some fun in your youth sports career.
1. The Coach is Always Right!
2. If you see that the coach is wrong, go back to rule number 1.
Of course, in reality many coaches may practice such a guideline but usually in a friendlier way as exemplified by the following statement:
There are three ways to do anything around here - the right way, the wrong way, and Coach's way.
So as a player what do you do when you see, er think that the coach is wrong?
First, you must absolutely make sure that you are sure and that everyone else is sure that Coach is wrong. Especially early in the season, or in your career with a certain team, there can be very detrimental effects in butting head with your coach. Consequences that can occur can range anywhere from a laugh, to the bench, to "see ya later."
Second, you must weigh the benefits vs. the potential consequences (see above) of calling out the coach. In most scenarios, the consequences usually FAR outweigh the benefits, if there are any. Most of the time the benefits are limited to a temporary boost in pride or ego. Emphasis on the word "temporary."
All joking aside, reality dictates that Coach may be w....wro.....wwwrrroonn....wrong..once in a while. After all we are human. (yeah, like that excused helped umpires too.) Usually a coach's mistake is something misspoken or calling out the wrong player for something that another player did. Mistakes on the field don't count. Which brings me to the meat of this blog.
In order to prolong your sports career, and to hopefully make it a more enjoyable and successful one, here are a few guidelines you may want to follow. By the way, these may also help you off the field in relationships with others too.
As with most things, we must make a judgment call as to the importance of the transgression. I was recently told of a coach who was released from his job because of the way he treated his team players. Verbal or physical abuse, unfair punishment (think this one out, many people seem to think any punishment is unfair,) money mismanagement, etc. are all important issues that should be brought to someone's attention. Depending upon the player's age, (and usually I would say anyone under 18) should notify a parent of the coach's action(s) before going "public" with accusations or rumors.
If the coach just misspoke, such as mentioning a wrong game date, or giving credit for something to the wrong player, it may be something that you ignore or perhaps mention to the coach PRIVATELY. Don't shout out in front of everyone "Hey Coach, you're wrong man...." or "Gee Coach, you sure screwed that one up."
But when it comes to issues such as playing time, strategy, or any other on-the-field issues, you must remember one very important thing; the Coach is the coach. He or she is in charge of the team. He or she is entitled to run the team in the manner which they see fit. Especially if it is a travel or club team, you really have no recourse other than to leave the team. Whenever possible, even if it is slightly unpleasant or maybe not so much fun, try to complete your commitment to the team. If you leave one team it may not be such a big thing. But if you develop a history of team jumping, moving from one team to another just because you don't agree with the coach's decisions, you may find it harder to get on a team. Sports communities, just like many corporate communities, are like a big family. Word travels fast. And believe me you will get a label.
Lastly, always treat your coach with respect, even if you feel they don't always treat you the same way. In the long run you will be the one who comes out ahead. Whether you believe it or not, most coaches really do want to do what THEY feel is best for their team. They really do recognize the value of the players. I try to follow a guideline I once heard that if the team does well in a game, I give credit to the girls; they won the game. If we did poorly, before I discuss what the team needs to do to improve, I look at myself first. I messed up. But that may translate to "I messed up by not making sure my team was better prepared." There still may be a butt chewing if the coach thinks there was a mental letdown in the game.
If you are a player who thinks you deserve more playing time; if you think the coach unfairly singled you out for something; or if you think there is something bugging you or other teammates, ask the coach if you can speak with him or her in private. Most coaches, especially at the high school ages and above, would rather hear from you than from your parents. You can take some responsibility for your life. Most coaches will respect you for doing so, if you do it with respect.
Just as with most other things in life, even if a coach makes a mistake or acts out of line, they probably do a whole lot more right than they do wrong. Coaches like to be appreciated too. Keep all this in mind and I'm sure you will do well and have some fun in your youth sports career.
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