Coach’s Threshold of Anger

Every coach, (actually everybody) has a threshold of holding back their anger in tough situations. I believe that most coaches actually have a higher threshold than most people. They have to. Otherwise, just like an umpire, we’d be blowing up and raising our blood pressure sky high on a weekly if not daily basis. This weekend I saw a coach cross his threshold.

We were in a friendly (softball games) at Wilmington Sports Complex. I will not mention the coach’s name or his team but if you were there Sunday morning you know who I’m talking about. It seems that just like a volcano, the lava was building a dome under the surface and all it took was one play, one call that the umpire made, and boom…ERUPTION!

Earlier in the game, our pitcher hit one of his slappers with a pitch. Or more correctly, his slapper kicked the pitch. She was out of the clearly out in front of the batter’s box, the pitch was in the dirt, and she managed to get hit by the pitch. She started running to first but the umpire called her back claiming that she “ran into the pitch.” The rules clearly state that the batter must make some attempt to avoid an errant pitch to be awarded first base. In the case of a slapper who is moving forward towards the pitcher, it is not always so clear cut. Bottom line is that it comes down to the umpire’s judgment and the catcher and umpire both have the best view of the situation. So that was strike one on the coach’s anger threshold.

Later, while our team was batting, we had a runner on first. Our leadoff hitter came up and drove a ball by the first baseman and down the right field line. Being a left handed batter, her hit was slicing towards the right side. It landed right on the foul line about 10 feet past where the chalk ended (about 20 feet past first base,) and continued to slice into foul territory. But it was a fair ball. The umpire called it fair. And again, standing on home plate, he had the best view right down the foul line. This was strike two and three for this coach’s threshold. Eruption time.

The coach absolutely came unglued. He started yelling at the umpire, not only challenging the call but calling the umpire an “idiot” and “the worse umpire he’s ever seen.” He was behind the foul fence since that’s where he was calling pitches from. The umpire threw him out and stopped the game until he left the area. It was a very embarrassing to do this in front of his team. I know. I’ve been there. (Although I didn’t call the ump an idiot.) But to make it worse, in the process of his argument, he said that “in “x” number of games he’s coached, he’s only been thrown out twice, and both by this umpire.” What does that tell you?

So here’s my take on the results of the situation.

1. It sounds to me like the coach went into the game expecting a battle with this umpire.

2. I would have questioned the call on the drive to right. It was very close. But I surely would not have gotten into such a heated argument over a call that was so close.

3. This coach allowed his girls to blame the umpire for their loss. This is something every coach should make every effort NOT to do.

4. Such an incident can hurt a team’s recruiting abilities. We heard one or two parents (one was one of ours) who commented that their daughters would never play for a coach like that. This is unfortunate because everything else aside, I believe this coach is a pretty good coach that knows his game. But this is a friendly. (Not that it would be ok at a tournament.)

The lesson here is for parents and coaches. The umpire is in charge of the game. I’ve seen good umpires and I’ve seen bad umpires. I’ve seen good umpires that have had a bad day. Bite your tongues, walk away, and give your anger a chance to cool down. Then you can think the situation through and avoid making it worse.

Gee, that sounds like pretty good advice for off the field too.

The Difference Between Success and Failure:

TEAM USA Men's Basketball – The Redeemed Team – Gold Medal

Success or Failure? Success of course. The goal was set and achieved. The NBA players showed that they still know how to play “REAL” basketball.

TEAM USA Women's Softball – Silver Medal

Success or Failure? I guess it depends upon how you choose to look at the results.

Goal achieved? Not quite...but goals are never absolutes. Goals are a guideline to help us along the way. Goals are also not usually a “one event” thing. They are set to cover a specific period of time with a certain desired result to achieve.

If you want to look at one game, the final game, you could say we failed to win that game. But if this is how you look at your goals and your life, I think you would be robbing yourself of many blessings and the joy of many successes. Let's take a look at the bigger picture.

4 Olympics. 22 wins in a row. 32 wins, 4 losses. 3 Gold Medals, 1 Silver Medal. 51-1 margin of victory in the Athens games. 58 – 5 margin in all games including the final in Beijing. And what happened in the final game? Did we embarrass ourselves, did we play so terribly we shouldn't be allowed on a softball field ever again? Heck no!

Japan rose up to the challenge. Especially Ukiko Ueno. Tell me you wouldn't be proud of her if she was your daughter. 21 innings. Three games back to back to back. Her arm had to be ready to fall off. Did we let down...no..Ueno climbed up. Twice Team USA had the bases loaded. Ueno battled out. She only struck out 4 batters. We were hitting the ball. But sometimes the ball just doesn't go where you want it.

Laura Berg said it best when I interviewed her in Irvine on Team USA's final exhibition stop; “we have a target on our backs.” Everyone wants to go out on top she said.

Team USA Softball has probably achieved a far bigger goal than winning one Olympics. They have done more to advance the sport of softball worldwide than any other single group or event. They have opened new doors for thousands, maybe millions of young girls with the advancement of softball, and even more importantly, with the class and character that has been exhibited by Team USA.

There is a quote the “success breeds contempt.” The original quote by Aesop was “Familiarity breeds contempt.” Unfortunately, in youth sports today we often see the first practiced. Some kids get on the winning team at an early age. They become successful. And often, even though they may not be one of the top players on the team, they (many times following the words of parents) look down on the less successful or lesser known teams. They sometimes feel invincible and only see losing as ultimate failure. Parents have split friendships because of an error, or because one's son or daughter was not on “that” team.

Team USA Softball is still the best team in the world. As one friend of mine said “how is it that you beat a team two out of three and they get the gold medal?” This Olympics only served to remind us of the oldest and probably truest axiom in sports; “On any given day.....”

Congratulations Team USA Softball. You had one heck of a run. I believe softball will be back in the Olympics and when it is, Team USA will still be the team to beat. You have shown character, class, and professionalism on the world's biggest stage. You have shown what the Olympics are supposed to be about.

The Frog in the Water

There was once a story about how if you would put a 12 year old athlete in a pot of boiling water that he or she would immediately jump out. But if you put that same 12 year old in a pot of cold water, turned the heat on so that the water warmed up gradually, that the athlete would boil to death. Ok, so maybe it was a frog. I always get that mixed up.

You probably know the story. But if you take a look at youth sports, I think you can see that the same analogy can be applied. I would think that many of our kids, and probably even many parents, if they had never been involved with youth sports and suddenly came upon the local little league, ponytail, or other youth sports organization, might be a bit shocked at the carrying on. I’m sure they would think twice before joining.

Those of us already there….we’ve gotten used to it. Some of us have probably even become a bit numbed by it all.

I’ve seen families who used to be on the same team and were good friends, are now opponents and can hardly talk to each other. I mean, we’re talking to the point of rudeness here…not your friendly competitive teasing.

We have parents of opposing teams getting angry with each other because of a call the umpire made. And of course, the ump takes it from both sides too. (And we wonder why we have a shortage of umpires.)

There are people on various message boards that will insult one another, call each other names, and just be downright childish because they disagree on a coaching technique.

I’ve seen organization board members complain season after season about how they do all the work and that nobody helps. Yet when they get some new people on the board the first thing they do is demand that the newbies do things the same way they did it and if they don’t an argument develops there. Then the old board members wonder why nobody wants to join in and help out.

I’ve seen parents take their daughters from team to team because they weren’t getting enough playing time. Sometimes it because they were not one of the best players and other times the player ended up in the doghouse or leaving the team because her parents tried to dictate to the coach how he or she should run the team.

Adults hating and fighting with each other; kids embarrassed by their parent’s behavior; parents (adults - allegedly) calling opposing players (12 year olds even) names; coaches teaching players to cheat until the player gets caught; I could go on and on and on.

In the Old Testament book of Judges, there is a verse that says “There was no king in Israel, and everyone did as he sees fit.” This can really be used for youth sports today, as well as many other places in our society. Everyone does as he sees as right.

Everyone wants to be the leader. Of if not the leader, they still want things done their way. They want their kid to come first. They want their son or daughter to get the awards. We want, we want, we want…. But we don’t seem to want to learn from those who might benefit us the most.

Parents, let’s change youth sports for the better. Let’s learn to accept what we are given, as we want out children to accept what we are able to give them. Let’s learn to accept the call of the officials, so that our sons and daughters will also learn to accept their rulings. Let’s learn to accept the position the coach puts our kids in, and if it is not the position we wanted, let’s teach our kids to work harder to earn the place they would like to achieve.

Let’s teach our kids that reward is earned by accomplishment, not something to be handed to everyone.

If your son or daughter is older than 16, take a look at how many trophies they have from teams in rec ball where everyone got a trophy. Ask your son or daughter how important those trophies are to them now. Compare how much more valuable is the trophy that they had to earn; the award that their teammates voted for them to receive; or the Coach’s award or the Most Improved Player award.

Parents – let’s learn to be civil with each other, on the field or off. And while we spend a lot of our lives trying to teach our children the ways of life, let’s try not to get carried away at times…sometimes we can learn a lesson or two from our children.